come and know my other side

2009-01-29T21:53:00.002+08:00

sorry...buys la and lazy to blog.
i know it looks die but is ALIVE!!!!

i shall update from where i think i can start........

army life sucks la... really if i got a chance i will want to skip this chapter of my life. working timing not regular, have alot of shift, test, training... and things to remember which already drain up almost half of my brain juices. lucky there is friend around supporting each other in training.
i mean still i can't wait for me to ORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! year and & months more..... (OMG)

ok, back to xmas.
xmas was i rush and busy day for me. have cnl xmas performance and yu ting house xmas gathering. then have to rush from one side to other side. and in between i have to find time to buy xmas present for xchange. and lucky i got it. reach yu ting house, we chatted and play games, like rock band little big planet. we just play and play and play non-stop until we battery flat(i mean we humans).

er.... after looking at what i typing. like making no sense. but nvm try to understand what i saying.

tw aluni band have finally started again. so please come back!!!! i really need you alumni. so every saturday will be a very busy day for me le. morning 8 to 10 am is main band section. for woodwinds, bass, percussion all the way to even full band. 1030 to 12 or 12 30 is alumni band.
for now we are playing thru a few pieces like ross roy, jap graf 12, persis... and others. i know it dun sound promising cause our band still small. so if you all got any nice song and bring and sight read.:)

lastly i think i have to have some new year resolutions too.
1. save money..... going to be poor soon
2. decide what i want to study....(NIE band director dip or try nus yong siew toh)
3. must really go work out to lost some weight my my health.
4. try to increase my brain juices and dun get F*** by army things
5. god bless ah ma for good health
6. meet up with friend that i have not been meeting
7. forgot the past and befriend again
8. tw band syf pls give them a good result
9. give me time for my music study too.( hope i can force myself to study when i free too)
10. maybe is time to find a soulmate. (if not like place on shelf and no one wants like darryl die lor) joking only!!!!

2008-09-21T00:46:00.002+08:00

after poc haven been updating.

alot of things happen in my NS BMTC period. we got fun, people bed got carried out when they are in deep sleep. draw they faces and body. water parade, pull underwear and even change locker.

sorry la no mood to update.

hope i am OK and you are OK too.

hope that the other you think that we are just good friend.

hope that the other other you can talk abit more like in the past.

hope that i can adapt in my new place but not the place i want.

In BMTC i learn that not everything you want you can get, and alot of things that you dun want you will get. just have to work happily and do what you need to do in your job. i think that can spent your time more meaning ful and faster.

AIRFORCE i am coming!!!!!

jing remember my eupho practical grade 5!!!!

2008-07-25T02:25:00.002+08:00

i am here to update my blog before in go in ns. time have pass very fast. many things have happen in my poly and post poly life and i think i learn alot. but to use it i dunno. i hope i will not be as blur and careless. and trust myself more.

i really you miss my family and friends. cause once go on ns i dun have time to join them even after bmt. thanks for all my friends who sent farewell msg, call me to tell me and in any way. i miss sp band, my eupho section and twss band, schools that i have teach, my alumni band and lastly my home.

i will be going for a long chalet. hope to see you all again 2 weeks later.
bye everyone.

i will learn to take care myself.

2008-07-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

Should I stay or Should I go

it seems like there is alot of misunderstanding happening around me. the best is until now i still cannot get over somethings and even solve it. eveything seems getting worst. why people just can't see how i want to help them but see it as i want them the way i one.

maybe is my way of doing things. and every single year there will be a major thing happen. i feel very bad i keep thinking that is me that never teach them the right thing. i feel that i may have teach them the wrong thing. i dunno. i messing up myself now. i really dunno how to go in ns in the shape i am now.

i tell myself not to care what people think about when i know i am doing the right thing. but i always want to make everyone happy which will not happen.

should i stay or should i go?
i really dunno. if i'm that bad why? if i'm that good why?
i trying to stay as focus as i can.
why am i so weak.
why people just dun give me that chance to show or believe in what i can do for you.

2008-07-01T01:24:00.001+08:00

if everything seems so bad.

i will leave and not going back.

it seems this is the best way.

until i know how to do.

thanks god for letting me know.

is really time for me to do things i want to do

2008-06-14T01:24:00.002+08:00

today was section competition in sp band again. the yearly competition we have.
this year section saxophone section won. i told you guys the first 20 over bar you all will win le. :)

for my section this year we tried 2 pieces nessun dorma and doramon. at least i feel our chord really sounded very nice. i also know that you all sounded very nice during so practises. you all make me feel so proud. i also want to thanks you all for choosing my pieces and playing it well.( the better times when i have hair stand)

dun feel bad everyone we did our best to pull thru all the pieces and we also sectional ibm main band pieces too and got things done.

hope we can have a section outing before holiday end.
but at the same time study for mst.

:)

2008-06-11T19:09:00.002+08:00

things are starting to change.
people like to say one thing do one thing.
one break off here and go find a new one right away.
friends of the break one angry and dun like him, BUT
still befriend with him, dunno is act or what.

some want to end a long relationship but now dunno want anot.
some girlfriend can be bitchy until we cannot stand it.
some are just so attention seeker.

guy just dun like this type of girls.
BUT that does not mean can find a new one straight away.
when reason is one yoursleves.

some got too close and got into trouble.
but dunno whether will go strong cause it dun seem so.

some just always want to be together.
BUT start to leave from friends and blame here and there for nothing.
the worst is they think they know everytime and anything.
but in actual fact they are nothing and dunno anything.

i just feel that people and wearing more and more mask.
i really dunno them
cannot trust them any more.
so see them grow from young some are people in the working world.
changes are all around.

you want to help them and stop them from turn into the wrong path.
they FUCK you up side down and say that you dun understand what is love or whatever.
in the end the trust has just break like this.

i dunno what to do and say
just hope these fuckers just leave and dun come back and disturb my life my friends my bands and everything. go and live in your world that you can cover whatever things you can.

lastly there is not personal attact.
if anyone of you feel that i am saying you that means you did it before haha:P

2008-05-28T01:02:00.002+08:00

i keep thinking that i know how my friends feel and my Juniors feel. but the fact is like NO!!! i kno wthey are not happy or happy or even have any new things happen to them. but i just somehow like know and dunno. i dun dare to ask. and the more i ask it feels like i want to enter their problems. and somehow give them stress indirectly.

i always say you or pple or that person is so no sensative. but i think carefully now i am the one. i am the one always make them worry what me. i feel so bad. i dunn how to help them. is like more i say the more i want to disturb their own live.

or maybe all the problems they have also started with me. hai i really dunno how to read everyones mind. i just suddenly feel so distance with everyone. cause i really dunno what they are thinking. or maybe even they dun like me at all but just..... know act normal.

i think some of my friends are rite. i must really learn to protect myself first.

now i scare that i will sabo my company in BMT.

god pls bless me and save me from all this. grant me with the sensative mind to understand pple more.

2008-05-13T23:34:00.002+08:00

friends are very important.

and they are also very fragile.

once break very hard to glue in together.

even if can there is still scars that will never be remove.

i dunno whether is break.

i want to know.

but somehow i just dunno.

sad.

2008-02-22T00:07:00.002+08:00

i want to sing K BOX!!!!!!
i suddenly got the feel to sing out whatever i have been thru and how i feel. is been a long time i have sing. this feeling is back after i watch american idol.
sing is a very special feel like conductor. you can express what you want for the song and how you feel for the song. or even sing out a story about ourselves in the song. let everyone know who you are where you from and share your story with them.

ok let me blog about the past few days. many things have happen, angry, sad, emo but at least there is still happy :)

firstly, i will say the angry things that happen. actually only got one la, but i dun wish to say what happen but i just feel i fail as a friend, brother, educator to bring him to the rite path. but ching si said something that is rite. maybe is the way i do it, and the other guy also have his rite. so i just let nature take its course. but i still cannot stand the way he treat girls la.

secondly, i uncle just past away during chinese new year. i dun really feel anything cause he is not very close to me but my aunt and cousins. but at the point where they have to burn things for him, theyhave to use a stick to hit on the floor and shout his name to collect the thing we burn for him. at the point of time, my cousin (mei lin) she started shout very loudly and hitting very hard. ah pa collect your house and car and money, ah pa collect your house and money! i suddenly feel very sad, my heart is aching and tears start rolling down my face. suddenly feel the importance of my family and friends. and of course no smoking. smoking took away his life.

lastly, is very funny to chat with kok seng, kelly, yan lin on the phone middle of the night. the best is, we can chat anything under the sun or moon. hahaha very happy to know them. and tw band is improving in a way that i cannot believe, and they now have faith and trust in me to pass on all my music ideas to them. 7 march is their performance. i will be conducting, but only when you all believe in me and i can believe in you. so that we can show how good we are. later in the afternoon, sectional on march blue sky and legend from yao.

ok this is what i have to blog. :)

finally i feel some sense of happiness in me:)
thanks to all my friends who believe in me:)

2008-02-15T00:20:00.002+08:00

jing jing ask me to stop writing emo things in blog le. but then everytime before i blog i see things that make me shock and disappointed.

i really dun want this to happen.

i am just too busy body

and the things is i cannot help it.

soon or later, everyone will say i am bias and angry with me.

so the last thing to solve this is to, leave them soon.

happy V day

had a nice Vday with my friends today:)

2008-02-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year

i feel in between something.

i feel happy for a friend.

at the same time feel sad for my section junior.

but this is part of life.

but i still shock for that answer i know.

but i understand.

may everyone get alot s of red packet

2008-02-03T01:10:00.000+08:00

i always feel very worry for alot of things.

whenever i step into tw band or alumni band, i always worry that i not good enough. i worry that i cannot pass down the things i learn to them.

worry about friends around me. in trouble or and problems.

worry to see them sad and alone there without anyone to cry to.

worry about the kids in tw in school work conduct and everything.

worry about how pple look at me.

and worry alot of things around me at every single minute.

i hope i can learn to stop worrying so much.

but it seems worst.

but i hope when you guys read it, but stop letting me know things too.

cause when i found out, i will be worst.

finally it has ended

2008-01-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

Finally i have finish my poly life. ( that is if i pass everything :P)
feeling so free now. but there is still alot of things that i cannot do in the pass, i can try to do it now.:)

today went back to teck whye with darryl and yan lin. and i feel that tw is now getting better. like tone, tuning and even how the music should sound. today they complete the whole song of legend from yao.

i dunno what to talk leh la. haha

things that i must do before new year:

->buy new year clothes

->write out the songs for tw brass

->improve in myself

->help everyone i can that need my help now.

2008-01-27T23:10:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went shopping with Alex Fredrick and yanlin. in the end all of us the clothing style very different. and we have to buy it like the following week.

then went to meet ching si and poh wah for mus art concert. it was OK la. is just too loud and noisy. but i very jealous of the Mr Wong. the guest conductor that day conducting his own piece. he is just 1 year older then me, but he is 10 to 20 times better then me. how i wish i could be like him now.

that is why today i wanted to try sight Noak's ark with cnl with my conducting. but in the end we got a meeting saying we are not bring up the standards. i agree, but today i was not prepared it was a last min thing. i only can blame myself. the worst part is every all have high music theory then me and i feel so small during the meeting. cause everyone have meet before for this meeting and i'm like the first time.

i just feel so small. and i need to do alot more them what i am doing now. but i dun have the time for it. or is not the rite time because i going army this year.

i suddenly feel i dunno whether i should carry on this job that i wanted.

i feel so so small. very very small. i dunno how to face it.

2008-01-19T10:24:00.001+08:00

i finally know what is wanna cry and dunno how to cry out.

it makes you feel worst when you know by crying out you will feel better.

but you can't or cannot or dunno how to do it.

you only can feel that your eyes is full of tears.

mabel, ching si i finally understands that.

crying is good at sometime

2008-01-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

i feel encourage today but at the same time angry and disappointed with myself.

i feel that i sometime say alot of things with think first then say.

i think i must reflect on myself.

not everything in the world can say.

thanks alot to you. i really have learn alot from conducting.

not just conducting pieces but more of life skills, moral, i dunno how to say.

but is just a feeling.

2008-01-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

STRESS are coming in again.

i have not been myself this few days. get angry very easily.

dun have a clear mind to think.

but more and more things are coming in and some things i just dun want to know it.

i scare i will lost control

2008-01-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the blogging for so long.

firstly, i wanna say that i am very happy with my last md.
-> thanks to all the yr 3, i happy and proud to play with you guys for 3 yrs.
-> thanks to all my close friends in sp band. is you all that make me feel happy in band and stay thru out my poly life.
-> thanks to my section. i love you all! :) i like the gift too.
-> thanks to special pple who have believe in me and make me a better person and a player.

i dunno what to say le so i think should be enough.

secondly, i feel very lost suddenly. dunno is because not sp band or sch work start to stress up me. next week will be my exam week le. i get angry very easily and sorry to pple who i throw temper at. i dunno, out of the suddenly i know alot of things. but i dunno i should know or should not know. trying to help pple to solve problems. in the end get myself in to problems too.

today my fyp project viva i also got shoot by both my supervisor and my group mates did not. went to teck whye, run thru the band with their sec 1 training pieces and somehow make them very unhappy. and somemore i dunno why today i dun dare to look into you went your parts is playing. and suddenly stop playing. i really dunno what happen. whole day never talk to me at all.

i also feel that i am too ambitious, let teck whye sight read things that they cannot and things that i cannot follow myself as a conductor. i will very sorry and very disappointed with myself.
this feeling sucks. i moral suddenly just drop dead. i just too ambitious. mr colin is rite i think i have go to another high where i think teck whye can manage. but cannot. i really dunno where i stand sometime. i dunno very sad dun dare to go back.

maybe i just have to many stress on myself.

i disappoint with myself, i try to help but in the end the same thing happen.
maybe you just not convincing enough.
i am an asshole.

changes

2007-12-04T00:04:00.000+08:00

read it and you know it

Everybody's always talking at me
Everybody's trying to get in my head
I wanna listen to my own heart talking
I need to count on myself instead

Did you ever?
Loose yourself to get what you want
Did you ever?
Get on a ride and wanna get off
Did you ever?
Push away the ones you should've held close
Did you ever let go?
Did you ever not know?

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am
I'll give it all I got, that is my plan
Will I find what I lost?
You know you can
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it(Bet on me)

I wanna make it right, that is the way
To turn my life around, today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say?
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it

How will I know if there's a path worth taking?
Should I question every move I make?
With all I’ve lost my heart is breaking
I don't wanna make the same mistake

Did you ever?
Doubt your dream will ever come true
Did you ever?
Blame the world and never blame you
I will never
Try to live a lie again
I don't wanna win this game if I can't play it my way

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am
I'll give it all I got, that is my plan
Will I find what I lost?
You know you can
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on me

I wanna make it right, that is the way
To turn my life around, today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it

Oh,Hold up
Give me room to think
Bring it on down
Gotta work on my swing
Gotta do my own thing
Hold up

It's no good at all
To see yourself and not recognize your face
Out on my own, it's such a scary place

The answers are all inside of me
All I gotta do is believeI'm not gonna stop

Not gonna stop 'til I get my shot
That's who I am, that is my plan
Will I end up on top?
You can bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it
You can bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it

I wanna make it right, that is the way
To turn my life around, today is the day
Am I the type of guy who means what I say
Bet on it, bet on it
Bet on it, bet on it
You can bet on me

LOSER

2007-12-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

I DUN LIKE LOSER. I HATE LOSERS!

But I found out I am one too.

everyone is away.

Is time for me to go my own way.

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away

2007-11-29T12:01:00.000+08:00

Sorry everyone for not updating for so long.

Today will be the first time i conductor sp band for a rehearsal. i excited about it. but i scare i do alot of mistake and they will not understand how to conduct.

FYP got to finish as soon as possible, we now have to make the sole and do report and submit can le. hai still got so many things to do.

Teck whye concert band concert also coming soon, 23 DEC. i have to conduct 3 pieces, choral and shaker dance 2, howl's moving castle and i forgot the last piece. worry for the concert as we still got 3 pieces have touch on it yet. green bushes, howls moving castle and phatom. If any teck whye alumni or my friends want to come this concert pls let me know about it. tickets are 8 and 10 before 2 dec. (got discount) if not will be 10 and 12 dollars.

Lastly i going over sea soon. haha and have to lose some weight:)

2007-11-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

Finally everything yu guo tian qin le!!!! teck whye band concert is still on 23 Dec. i also happy for them and have to prepare it le.

Sorry for those who waiting for my update. i know i very long never update le. i have busy with a lot of things:

1. FYP!!!! i have hand in by 9 of jan. Luckily we are at the making of my sole le.

2. Teck Whye Band Concert coming le have to prepare the alumni for the pieces that the main band playing. i also have to practise this time got a lot of song to play. hmm. maybe have to conduct for that concert too. still dunno yet must wait for further notice.

3. Sp Band Concert also coming soon 6 of jan. the pieces to some maybe boring and not challenging but i find it very challenging as every pieces is a killer for euphoniums. must get all the high notes and have many hard parts to play. and need alot of time for sectional and bulid up section tone.

4. i need free time to relax and SHOPPING!!!!!!!

5. Have to work out all the parts for trombone and euphonium section in Teck Whye Band.

hope everything will be ending soon ( end in a good way). :)

to every of my friend. the weather these few days is not very good so pls drink more water and eat good food and stay health and not sick!!! :)

learn a big lesson

2007-10-25T14:55:00.000+08:00

i finally really learn a big lesson. but whether i know how is use the skill that i learn on solving problem like this i not sure. but will try to use it to change i have to change.

i suddenly feel very light ( Not weight). like i have throw away a huge stone. but i dunno izzit good. cause that does not mean problems in me have solve. i really have to start from start. you are rite, why i so scare that i fall, babies also like this. is a natural process.

this time i really have to do what i have to do. not letting anyone disappoint anymore. i will do my best. hope you all can support me too. :) if i did anything wrong or hurt you in someways, i'm really sorry.

a new start a new me:)

today

2007-10-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

I suddenly have that pain or say ache on my chest. i think i know why. but i choose not to know why. i dun like this feeling. is like kena eaten up. but is aching alot.

i suddenly dunno how to face the problem like i wanted to. i did face it try to solve it and everything that can be done. but i came back to square one again. i very disappointed with myself.

i know i must face it and solve it. but deep inside, i know is pain. i really dunno how. when both things happen at the same time. i really cannot take it. how! please help me!

i want to be in the banck ground. but i want to in the happy way. but i dun like the feel now. maybe really more and more stress is coming in and not out. i really want to be happy!!! not worries.

deep sleep will help.

Happy Birthday

2007-10-18T12:38:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Ching Si and Brandon. i know i wishing you all too early too. but 19 and 20 oct is coming very near.

Brandon We coming to your birthday party hope that i can get your present in time. time very pasts very fast. 3 years in poly is really very short. for Brandon reach age of 21. It Will be a new chapter of life ahead. i dunno whether we will still have chance to meet up or have fun again, but always take the good memory of the day we had .

For Ching Si, i will say that you will have a new chapter of life too as you are going to enlist in soon. i feel very happy to know you as a friend. even thought there is ups and down and some shit things happen between us. hope you will have a better life ahead and go forward, forgot the bad and have more new or nice memory. maybe it will be an end here, but there will be a new start.

haiz.... like what Jermaine (twss) said, time pasts very fast treasure your friends family and everyone around you. dun break away because of Small things, or even demand too much from them until they got scare away. you will regret for life. Jermaine dun worry, sometime is good that when you die pple cry for you, as you know they loves you and cherish you a lot.

oh no it should be a happy entry. oh no.

ALL THE BEST TO YOU BOTH GUYS....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY in advance. :)

getting use to it

2007-10-13T17:01:00.000+08:00

i think i getting use to the changes around me.

i know what my hearts want to go.

i know i scare off alot of people in the way i am.

but now i know hot to carry on and do the changes

but i still scare.

still need the motivation that i use to get.

but i think is time for me to go on with myself.

not feeling good

2007-10-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

i suddenly just lose my sense of directions. not having a good feeling again.

i need back the encouragement that i use to get from.

i need someone to be my back bone.

i need someone that can make me feel better again.

going to lose a brother is like not good.

dun have the strong confident that use to have to compete is not good also.

can you help me?

never be the same again

2007-10-07T18:16:00.000+08:00

first happy birthday to chang zuo. 14 le... must learn to think more maturely. we bought him a bag pack and i gave him a polo t shirt that i bought.

we have a hamburger shape birthday cake. :) is so cool and is chocolate inside.

after the event everyone went home.

today, wake up late and started thinking that everything around me will not stay the same way it use to be. is either become more apart or closed to you. just like song i heard, one part of the lyrics is never be the same again. which is true. just have to learn to accept it. but is whether apart or closer.... i dunno i still have to accept it... hehe if i dun accept it it will also go like this so accept it and follow it. hmmm.

why is there so many oct babies. :(

swimming!

2007-10-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

today i make myself to wake up at 830 to meet chang zuo at 9 to go swimming!!! hahaha finally i start to do some work out. hehe swim for like half an hour non stop. feeling very tired. then went sch for practical at 1pm to 4pm. then when back home. fredrick and chang zuo after came my house just to eat and play o2jam. -.-

hmm. thinking for many nights. what song can the alumni play. but i heard that maybe there are changes. i dunno sia. hmm but i think we comfirm march beyond the critical point, la storia and sherk dance party. this should be good enough. hope so.

Eupho brandon having his 21st birthday party, sp eupho section pple, if you see this msg in my blog, pls let me know whether you all can go. starts around 630 and is on the 20 oct.

what wei ren say maybe is rite. make yourselves very busy with work and tired. no time to do other thigns or even think about things. and slowly, emo monster will go away..... trying and still not the rite track.

CNL concert folklore and fantasy

2007-09-30T01:13:00.000+08:00

finally CNL concert folklore and fantasy is over!!!! this concert we only played 6 songs.... but are very hard( like Hans Christan Anderson suit and fantasy var). concert went well i think. ( heard from friends all around who went for the concert.

the first song folklore for band
we played it very clean and balance was not bad. but like not enough eupho. my first solo of the concert. but cannot be heard. :( very sad la. cover my the clarinets.

second song Hans Christan Anderson suit
good grand opening. but after that like abit breaking down but haven break down that kind.
second movement soso. third one also. the fourth one i first time can play everything nicely :).
then fifth ok but the last movement a bit scary. cause everyone like scare make mistake at this movement which i think is the nicest movement yet the hardest.

third song 7 night of july.
i knew it when i took out my mute. everyone started to wow...
hahahaha i think i first time played 7 night of July so well.

fourth song a longford legend
i heard from friends like this is one of the better pieces we played. cause got strong woodwinds.

fifth song fantasy variations
my nightmare. even though i played this piece before of MD, but is play with a big group so and take turns to rest. but this time only got 2 eupho. die. the worst thing is i still screw up the solo. even when i have practise it since the preparation for MD. my tone start to become air and stress. ar i really very sad. and got no mood to play. maybe the other eupho guy maybe think he should have play that solo.

last song la puta
the song that i first conducted in the first alumni band concert. but we sounded very nice.

during encore, Colin when to make a speech and thanks all his friends for helping him in playing in this concert. and propose to his girlfriend for marriage. i was shock. i know he will propose to her but dunno is this concert. hahaha feel so happy for him. some more the girlfriend is a very nice person. hai. and wei ren they start shouted when is mine turn. -.-

in conclusion, i still very sad. dunno izzit i screw up that solo or what, but i also happy to have this kind for ending for a concert. is touching. i when to congratulate him and he hug me with gratefulness and thank me and call me brother. i am very touch. first time someone did that to me. i dunno why i just feel that i got appreciate by people.

but i still just dun feel happy now. really dunno. but wish Colin and his girlfriend, best wishes.

I HATE YOU!!!

2007-09-27T19:25:00.000+08:00

I HATE YOU EMO MONSTER!!!

I HATE YOU GIVING ME SO MUCH TROUBLE!!!!

GO AWAY!!!!

EMO

2007-09-27T10:59:00.000+08:00

My emo monster come attack me again?

why always me?

i really feel very small and wick.

soon will be eaten up but emo monster!

dun want to grow up

2007-09-27T00:53:00.000+08:00

dun want to grow up.

but is life to do that.

friends will go and gone.

troubles will come find you more.

can't cover these facts.

maybe is time to learn how to let go.

but atleast see me for the last time.

and what i achieve.

can't have you all to help me always now.

even if i want, you all also will leave.

maybe is a cycle.

learn to accept it.......................

hope so........
to everyone that step into my life.............

boston brass in SINGAPORE

2007-09-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

finally to day i got the feel to blog. Boston brass came to Singapore last week. they are really dam good. they have 2 concerts and one workshop and i went all the 3. hehe i like Boston siao... go everything. hahaha their solo concert is very nice. got to hear good trumpet sound at their high notes where i dun think any Singaporeans can play it and that french horn guy J.D Shaw is the best among all i feel. he really have that X factor in him that everyone will just want to look and hear to him. in the concert itself, they were disturbing one of their friend about chicken. got to know why they say he like chicken because of the song they going to play. THE CHICKEN!!! -.-

but i still can't wait them to play their last song caravan.

then went to their workshop. their did almost the same thing but this time we got a chance to talk to them in person know more about them, in playing, performing and even problem that we have. and got to take a picture with Lance Laduke and euphonium / trombone player.

lastly went Phil wind concert with Boston brass in concert. the toccata and fug in D minor was good. i really like the lower reeds rich sound and really makes the chords sounded like from a pipe organ. i fall in love with the piece heroes and legend. the piece boston brass played with the phil winds. in the end their still play the piece caravan which is something that you will not feel sian when listen to it many times. hehehe

in conclusion, i hope i learn something from the boston brass and mr tan conductoring skill at phil wind concert. and really hope i can be like them some day.... which is dunno when or maybe will not happen.

school reopen still feel ok. some how i got the felling that i want to chat with my friend. but like everytime find the wrong time. but even when got time, somehow dunno what to talk about. is like only when i got a problem then got something to talk about. dunno is good or bad or is something normal. just hope every thing is fine. hope my friends can come for my CNL concert this saturday. want tickets get from me pls....

random

2007-09-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

I HAVE NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO SPEND!!!!

HOW!!!

is really time for me to save money if not i will not able to save up at least 200 dollars.

last sem result was the worst i got in my whole poly life. really have to buck up. i really should have choose a subject that i can easily score and not something that i like. i have to be real. Not to be in my dream world where i thing everything will happen like the way i like or happen. i should have just go for what i can get for the best.

After alumni band that day, Mrs Ong and Miss Mindy told me to continue in my study at U. But i told them that my result not good enough to get in. they say will help me by using CCA or something to get in NTU or NUS. Which i think i still will not get in. Even if i get in, what should i study? thinking of going NIE get another Dip first in music teaching with Dan. but is like i keep getting some many Dip and not a Degree.

I tell myself now that i will not think the way that i think i want it to be but the way how the world is now. hm. finish poly then say lor.

I suddenly starting be feel abit happy but get angry again because of my FUCKING BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!

He keep thinking that he is the best in the world and i always the worst because i am in teck whye sec before result not as good as him. thinking that he is better in everything compare to me. what the fuck is this. if is like this every time when he need help he will find me and ask me to help if i dun help get angry with me.

I AM NOT HIS SLAVE fucker. there is more things that i am better then you. so what you are smarter by a bit. but we are in both different competition area. if you are so good you also will not study in NA too.

ya i dumb can? everyone also think so can?

Friends or just Friends

2007-09-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

Today went back teck whye for band. Before that have lunch with yyt, zoe, darryl and don. When we reach teck whye, they were all doing marching. As usual some how i will go and take over and i think is time to make them have more fell in doing marching and do it well. So took them scold them and do the things over and over again. Some of them are starting to like it and do it seriously. Colin came and he dun look good. i dunno whether izzit because i miss the last sunday practice. But i i found out that the trouble in the band have grew bigger and i think it have solve as todays practise alot of people came and good run thru of the first half. cause before that he told me maybe cancel of this concert. OH NO!!! i some how dun like this feeling. hai.

but is no more hope we can sell more tickets and have a good concert. but today some how i got just lose another solo just like this. haizzz. he cannot count or watch sometime really makes me angry. i no i am not a good player but at least i know went to play or shut up.

on the way home alone as usual.

just some how felt that we are not that close anymore. as friend

we use to chat for a long hours and now like can't talk.

i always try to find the rite time so we can talk longer but some how is i dunno what to say or is just that we are both not enthu enough to chat.

i know there are times like fighting and helping me.

and use to have you to call me and even ask how i am.

but now i dunno. maybe i think too much but i sure how i feel.

you told her that you have not change any ways towards me, is just because you are not free, but somehow i dunno izzit really like that. is not i dun trust you but is just too coincedent. i am not doubting you but is how i think.

is like now you will not coming to me and talk but only when you need me.

maybe like this also good for me to think carefully.

finally i got to work abit for more money hehehe.... teaching band tml....

good luck to me and good nite if i can sleep.

rp concert

2007-09-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

today went for RP concert. they really starting to sound nice. good feel and i think everyone in the hall enjoy it.

the hall very Japanese hall. ha ha sound coming out from band sounding like you at the durian shell.

after concert we meet up Colin and Zoe for supper and drink!!! hahah i starting to like drink ( beer ). thanks Colin for give this treat.

by drinking you can gain bigger balls so i have learn that before concert drink some alcohol.

drinking also have yourselves to stay at your own world for a while dun need to think all the things that in your mind.

lastly can sleep well.

i think i really drunken.

good nite to myself.....

random

2007-09-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

After 2 japanese guy came down for a workshop, i think i have learn alot from them not just how to play well and better but follow what i need to do.

just got to practise harder to get better tone and high notes.

just got home after CNL practises. It feels good at least we played better. :)
but dunno whether and make it in time:(

those who wanna come pls let me know!!!

after CNL practises i was waiting for cab to go home cause is very late. but i waited like at least 3o mons then got one cab.... =.=

while waiting for cab, i was thinking about things....

how am i now?

Feeling good?

Attention?

Lost?

Lonely?

in the end, i just want someone to talk too....

i dunno maybe is time to be in the past again, the old ways and everything...

the time will come.....

ok i think better do more on my FYP and concert is coming!!! die!!!
maybe also no one will come so is ok :)

good nite to me

Happy Teachers Day

2007-08-31T23:53:00.000+08:00

Lucky, today's teachers performance is still ok. hahaha just that yesterday practice was better.

and we took some pics!!!!

Busy!!!!

Always Busy!!!!

No Time!!!

just hope that you are free

thanks to everyone in alumni band!!! i hope we can have another great performance again!!!

Random

2007-08-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

have a hard time now

hope that it will be sweet after that

but is always just hope

it will not really happen too

prepare, prepare and prepare

just to hope for a sweet ending....

Random

2007-08-25T23:52:00.000+08:00

finall is holiday!!!!

yesterday meet up with yu ting jenny darren to buy boston brass concert tickets. then meet up with wei ren pris and darryl for dinner and movie. very nice movie but i forgot the name. is just up on screen recently.

ANYONE WANTS TO WATCH HAIR SPRAY!!!! i want to watch that!!!!

today after alumni practice when you buy food for dinner as everyone come my house for dinner and watch campus superstar. in the end shawn wins! i ok with that i just want guys to win as the girls can't sing.

there are happy moments and not happy moments.

some how lost in what i always aim for too

learn to stand from a great fall.

but just too hard.

i'm really trying

Tml last paper!!!

2007-08-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is my last paper le. YEAH!!! finally free!!!

But i need super memory to remember all the thing that will come out for test from chapter 1,2,4 and 7. :( and is really alot to remember. i only read finish chapter 1 and 4 haven start on 2 and 7.

i will wake up early in the morning and study the rest and all.

god pls help me!!!1

What Tarot Card are You?

2007-08-23T00:21:00.000+08:00

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.
The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?

Take the Test to Find Out.

Wei Ren ask me to update blog

2007-08-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

Just came back home form shun hai's house. went there study for tml PED paper. which is the paper that i will fail if i dun do well for tomorrow. then wei ren on msn ask me why i have update blog, then i ask why? he say very interesting mah. =.= FINE!!! ok so i update now lor.

today study until head going to explode!!! manage to finish 1 past year paper and read up some theory stuff. tommorrow before go sch have to study more in the morning.

i just found out now that i have to shave everyday if not some of the beard will start growing the next day. oh my god!!! WHY!!!!!! i got not enough time for me to do my things le leh...

thanks Darryl and jing for the words.... ontag board!!!

sian...hope tml i can do the paper

LIFE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

Just screw up 2 papers!!!!

Some shit happern always!!!!

FUCK UP!!!!

Other people can do it but why not me....

Am i very different from others....

Why everyone are like this!!!!!!!!!!!

SUCK MAN!!!!!!!

have to study for tomorrow paper which is a very diffcult paper

Fuck up now!!!!

SO STRESS

2007-08-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

I am studying for tomorrow exam, EMD. But i just too tired now to think. Luck is afternoon paper so still can study in the morning.

Today's test i thought i can score and try to get an A for it. BUT in the end 1/3 of the paper i cannot do. Just cannot think how i do and some more i have done it myself before. SUCKS!!

I will use exams stress to make me study hard.
But at the same time feel SUCK!

Just like what Ching Si always say LIFE SUCKS!!!!

Saturday Outing

2007-08-20T00:14:00.000+08:00

I FINALLY STARTED STUDYING!!!!!!!
Oh my, just "so called" study finish my first paper which is later today at 9am at T1A....=.= so far sia. I did one past year paper only la but i will wake up early later to try one more before i go to sch for the exam. By the way is stat paper. Call up my friends as they are all at Shun Hai house studying together la. so ask them who to do some question which i dunno. Just like that. Now just taking a break before i go sleep so come blog abit.

Yesterday was FUN. We finally get some work and detail done for our teachers day performance, (i mean the alumni band), the percussion group that we form now as our alumni band is still small. Mallets is very hard to play loud..... hai but only got 2 mallets player now ma when all of us are not percussionist. =.= At least now we can run thru the whole piece without any mess. In between our practices the five guys came back from the audition and i happy for them as most of them did well but some mistake but is ok. i just hope that all of them can get in.

After that Kumar, yyt wei ren, Joanne, yan lin and myself went lot 1 to have lunch and chatted for awhile. Kumar and i as usual we chat about BAND, and he ask me whether i want to go in SWS and play? Then i stun! why? he say Dan was invited by some guy (i forgot his name) in to play in the main band too. So he say if i want he can try bring me in and say that i should really try to play in an outside band. i dunno la, until now i which be playing in CNL band for that coming concert, but i skip a lot of practices le and i very guilty. :( but now also exam period i will force myself to go back at least play finish this concert. I WILL GO BACK THIS WEEK!!!!!

After that went home and change and came out to meet wei ren they all again to bugis to shop and eat steamboat. we when there shopping around until 6 like that then went to eat steamboat. but when we reach there full le =.=.... so we decided to go back paco bugis there and eat Seoul garden. Eat alot of chicken meat and ice cream. That there we were the noises group and got scolding from the pple there. When we having or ice cream, Wei ren Darryl and Pris they all try to have a competition. Where the three of them mix the ice cream to cream form and drink it using straw in 20 sec. Too bad i haven got the pictures. if not i will post up and show you all.

After eating went around shopping and all of us bought a t shirt with the same design!!! i know is gay but we are united. :P Wanted to watch movie 881 but everyone started to feel tired and lazy so in the end went home.

Every saturday, after alumni practice, i just feel that i need to treasure this group of friend that came back to gather and spent time together. i will treasure this moment everytime.

Is good if i can stay at the past where not worries for me.

O level music audition

2007-08-17T23:53:00.000+08:00

Wake up in the morning as usually, use the comp and stone. Then i meet Darryl around 1 pm and cck MRT station to go jurong point to collect my jeans that i bought on Sunday. When i have to collect it on Monday. LOL!!!! LAZY ME!!!! We walk around there and have lunch there too. In the end after we walk around thinking of what we should eat, we when to crystal jade to eat la mian. Very long never eat there le. The food there still taste as good even with the new looks.

We head down to teck whye after lunch. In the end, Mr Ng last min cannot make it for the practice today again. Cause today i thought i can play the tenor sax for this practise since i playing woodwinds recently. But in the end Kai ting ask me to take the full band and work thru some detail on castle in the sky. While working the detail with them i just found out that i miss out so much detail when the alumni band play for concert. hai so sorry to that song. I got so bored or say angry with the piece cause no one sectional that play properly. So i decided to sight read again, their other song jogging samba. IT WAS WORST!!!! they did not even read thru this piece when they have to perform this song for that workshop with some Japanese guy.

Luckily, the band practise was about to end soon, so i end it and went to find the guys who are going for the O level music audition tomorrow. I heard that practical Fredrick did the best and Andrew did the worst. Cannot blame him le cause he just learn the oboe. then theory side, Chang Zuo Scored the highest and Jonathan scored the lowest. hai
but also only Chang Zuo PASS, :(

So i went to teck whye mac to tutor them and teach them what they not sure, cause i also must write out Andrew's piece for the practical side in a nice manner. So after some tutoring i decided to give them one more test and every pass around 70 but Fredrick only 50 plus...

I am so worry for them. Hope that all the 5 of them can pass the audition and able to take music as an O level subject. Fredrick please do well in your theory and Andrew try your best to play well. Chang Zuo concentrate more, focus in what you want now, Jonathan dun scare, and lastly Alex DUN TONGUE SO HARD!!!!!! This what i ask for only. :)

What a tired day!!!!
I need to study abit to on my exams (next week first paper start le)
ALL THE BEST TO THE FIVE GUYS. (they have been mention above)

At TWSS

2007-08-15T23:07:00.000+08:00

Today is so called the prelim audition or trial run of the practical test for taking music for O levels. Before i go into the practical side, i found that all of them FAIL their trial test for the theory side. HIGHEST among them was Chang Zuo who score 17 marks over 40....... LOWEST was i think 8.5 marks.( forgot who le) I was like thinking, hmm is that paper so hard? they show me the paper and..... is all careless mistake and the paper close eye also can do lor. I mean is not that easier but sure can pass one...

Like i say today is the practical side, everyone of them suddenly very scare. Cause scare fail the practical side. So i was there at the place but somehow i think the guest teacher that testing them thought i a student of the school.... -.- so i cannot seat down and listen to them. but everyone seems to screw up until when i heard fredrick play the first piece. hmm i surprise cause he is the one the practise the least i felt. but he sound not bad and firm. Somemore the second piece he play was the piece that i choose for Chang Zuo to play and he like side readed today only lor. But overall did well. hmm i still worry about andrew as he start to play the obeo only this year around after SYF so dunno he can make it anot. But he is hard working.

After their Audition, i went down to take the main band as MR Colin Ng was not able to come. have sections and run thru some pieces that they side readed and some of their concert pieces. They got that CLAP performance that is why they playing back all this songs. In the end i was abit bored and ask them to take out their 7 night of july score to sight read and it was horrible but at least some parts they do can sight read fast.

After band when dinner with Jermain and Alex chit chatted and went home.

I STILL HAVEN STARY STUDYING HOW!!!!
DIE LE!!!!

Random

2007-08-14T23:16:00.000+08:00

Today actually i did nothing much. As ususal i woke up later and slack the whole day when i have to study for my exams which is next week!!!! I better start studying as all are electronics when i suck at it. If not i going fail them straight.

Today afternoon Chang Zuo and friends (alex and andrew) are suppose to come my house to ask me write out the songs they are playing for the Music for O levels audition. But in the end they cannot make it so i meet them at lot one to take scores and then meet dan and kumar for dinner. At the same time bought a new from dan for Andrew as all his reed cannot make it and auditions are coming. Lucky can claim for school. ( ask miss mindy for help)

After dinner we chatted on band stuff, shit, alumni and of course working under ....... ya him. Talking about working in this insdustry, hmm i dunno whether i will go in also anot. hai.... have to think about it lor....

this is how i spend my today.
so slack. must really find the feel to study for exams
tml going down tw can check on their playing for the audition

bored!!!!!!

My Very first Post

2007-08-13T23:38:00.000+08:00

Yes, i finally have a blog!!!! this is because i always got nothing to do when i got a chance to use the comp. ( cause my brother always want to fight with me to use the comp). Everytime i have a chance to use the comp, is either stare at it or play dota, sometime chat abit then no more le.

Now got a blog there is something i can do whenever i got nothing to do when i using the comp. I know it sounded stupid. But Nevermind. The best thing is i thought making a blog is so "easy". all the blogs i see all so nice and colourful and so many things to play with. But then when i try doing, is like so hard to do. It is worst then studying for my test!!!! But i think this is what i can do now for this blog of mine.

Oh ya!!! I also must promote the Teck Whye Alumni Band blog. Thw webby is twab4nd.blogspot.com. Teck Whye alumni band members pls go there and check out for the latest news about what we going to do during alumni practice. All thanks to DARRYL KOK YI HOW for creating this blog for us. I hope that is alumni band will stay and become stronger and as good as other alumni bands out there.

Lastly, i wanna thanks all the alumni and main band members for your time for the fiesta 2007 concert. I know is so so so late to thanks now. ( i know is over for like a few weeks) but still have to thanks. If not the concert will not go well too. Ya those who want the video for fiesta pls get from me too. I like talking Crap all the way.......-.- but is my first time mah.

OK la. i shall stop now and try to have a better post the next try.